We don’t accept one-worded answers to the question “how are you?” anymore—not on these days, at least. It requires a little bit more honesty and some time of reflection. It’s no longer just part of our everyday niceties, it’s become a sincere inquiry to make sure the ones we care about are doing fine amidst the craziness of the times.
Inspired by Sal Biadora and @werenotreallystrangers, we checked in on our friends by asking them to check in on themselves. It seemed like a self-discovery on a loop. The more people we asked, the more chances we get to ask ourselves this question too: How are you, really?
Here’s what our friends said:
I always try to reflect on how my day went which actually helped me discover so many things about myself and everything else. Some good, some bad. I’ve always wanted to take a break from everything that’s been happening even before ECQ was implemented.
Sometimes things just get a little bit overwhelming and draining and I felt like I needed to breathe. In the first month of quarantine, I was nothing but productive. And I didn’t feel tired at all. Despite all the negative news circulating, I was hopeful. And for some reason, I was more inspired to work. I had this thought that I had to make use of this “break” wisely but then come May, I guess I just crashed. I felt down and I was very unmotivated. Given the reality we have now, it’s kind of hard to keep your sanity and stay positive for a very long time.
But I’m grateful that I have family and friends who are very supportive. I’m aware that I give myself a hard time sometimes; there’s this feeling of discontentment so I try to push myself harder that I tend to forget about my own being.
This is usually where my parents and friends come in. To remind me of how I should stop being so hard on myself and to just give it a rest. True enough, I just needed to find time for myself. I had to stop wasting my energy worrying about things I can’t really control at the moment. I guess now that we’re already on our nth month of just staying at home, I can better cope with all the craziness.
Lois, art curator
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Checking in with myself has become a necessary habit for me. Used to feel "indulgent" when I do it, but now it's more of a need because it makes everything I have to do easier when I've contextualized it to my feelings. I've realized that a lot of the emotions we're going through like despair, hopelessness and desperation, actually stems from our hope that the future might be better. And that this burden is not carried by ourselves. As long as we stay open, considerate and kind, we will always have some semblance of progress.
I think I have a difficult time staying in the moment. Whenever I have “small wins” there’s always a voice in the back of my mind thinking about how the world is in flames and that no one should be happy at this time. And with work also, sometimes I feel that everything is temporary, and I always feel scared about it.
The things I look forward to are breakfasts! Also small moments of peace, for example, seeing a nice photo on my feed, or liking a new song on my discovery playlist, or when someone shares food with me! I always look out for those things and appreciate it.
Gabbie, freelance artist and entrepreneur
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I got a lot of realizations mostly about life and work. It sucks to be a health care practitioner here in the Philippines at the moment—well it’s been bad ever since but now it’s gotten worse. People have been thinking a lot on how to improve the situation of our country, but it’s so frustrating that the government itself is not doing anything about it.
I’ve realized how selfish people can be, especially regarding money. People in the middle class, like us, were the most affected by the pandemic. I’m very lucky to be in a situation where I still live with my parents and I don’t have mouths to feed. But my salary is not enough even for myself. I’m very lucky that that’s just it. Other than that, I’ve realized that life just happens. It’s up and down all the time, and it’s how you react to the situation that will define who you are as a person. It’s just nice that no matter how many times we fall, we always just stand up, and that’s what really matters.
Finela, medical frontliner
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When I first read the question, there was a gush of thoughts in my mind—so many things I want to say, but also so many things that I want to avoid openly talking about. I asked myself “have you?” and my honest answer was “not enough, but enough to say that I am not in a really good place mentally.”
I’m probably too caught up in everything happening around me and I sometimes find it a little overwhelming. When I do, I resign back to my thoughts, but that space is just as overwhelming too. I’m constantly trying to find a balance between the two, but I am unsuccessful. I end up with this coping mechanism: Trying to distract myself and starting a string of unfinished “quarantine projects.” I feel as if I have lost my focus, and my attention span shortened drastically; spending my days wasting away with activities that are unproductive.
Kooch, hotelier
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I needed to process that question because it’s a lot. Basically, right now I’m not okay because of the uncertainty of our country’s situation—it’s very hard to look into the future when there’s so much uncertainty in the present. At the moment, I literally take it day by day because work doesn’t stop and it really takes a toll on my mental health. I usually turn to video games in my free time. It’s a super good refresher because it relaxes my mind and takes off the stress.
Jer, freelance art director
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Admittedly, the past few months have been emotionally exhausting, as the pandemic has stripped us of opportunities to explore and have options to escape. It is nearly impossible to find a new job, travel has been restricted, and the government sucks.
This has created the notion that I am stuck in a situation in which there is no way out, no escape. In spite of the heap of troubles I am facing, I have realized that I am still blessed—blessed to have a job, blessed to have a (comfortable) home, blessed to have a strong support system, blessed to have a (relatively) stable internet connection.
Personally, I cannot complain for myself. However, from this position of privilege, I can see that not everyone has the same status as me. There is so much suffering, hardship, and injustice faced with those at the margins. I have therefore imposed it upon myself to speak out against these systematic abuses, and to not remain silent. I cannot bring myself to be at peace, knowing that there is suffering, knowing that there is injustice. No, justice, no peace.
Jem, human rights worker
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I check in with myself everyday—I pull a daily tarot card, not to predict what’ll happen in the day, but to help me find something to focus on. Every morning, I look back on the previous day’s tarot card and write a few lines on how it reflects my mood, what happened to me, or some new insight it sparked. And then I shuffle again, and pull a card that I check on the next morning. It’s a really grounding, quick, and easy practice that helps me connect with my intuition.
Another way I’ve been checking in with myself is through daily yoga with Yoga with Adriene on Youtube. I’m 80 days in now! It’s been a terrific way to get in touch with my body. I used to hate yoga challenges, but somehow, this really struck a chord with me. It’s no wonder people call Adriene the patron saint of quarantine!
Chinggay, author and professional tarot reader
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Well, I don’t really remember the last time I checked on myself, but I kinda have random times where I stop and just think. Like I unconsciously do it. Honestly, I don’t even know how I’m doing. I find venues to escape reality often—like K-pop. I think it kinda distracts me from how stressful things are in the “real world.”
I guess to keep me sane, as long as I get to fulfill my responsibilities then I quickly just go into the K-pop world. Since the same things seem to be happening, it makes me feel like my life has gone into a plateau which I hate. I travel so much every year as an escape, so I had to look for an alternative. My priority now is just to be happy and keep in touch with friends.
Trixie, traveler and K-pop fan
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Spending most of my days at home made me very introspective. Lines between days and nights and weeks have blurred. The next thing I knew, five months have passed. Five long months within the same four walls, and I still have no idea when or how I’ll get my old life back, if that’s even possible anymore.
On some days, I successfully distract myself from these thoughts with work. On other days, I let myself cope however I need to.
What I realized? It’s fine to take it one day at a time. I don’t always need to know what’s gonna happen next.
Joanna, beauty industry exec
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Checked in on myself is part of my morning routine. I find that having a slow morning is the most productive for me. I always begin my mornings the same. I get up, feed the dogs, then crawl back in bed while I read from my book.
I’m currently reading A Course in Miracles. It has short practices at the end of the book meant to help you be mindful of your intentions for the day. I then meditate on the lesson by doing 100 deep breaths (which takes about 5 minutes). Afterwards, I jot down a few paragraphs in my gratitude journal.
This is where I check in on how I am feeling, reflect on yesterday, what I’m grateful for, and write down my intentions for this brand new day. It sounds like a lot, I know—but it all takes less than 30 minutes! And even then so, this is a time in my day that I don’t rush. I started doing this a few years ago and I found this practice to be vital to help me to get the important things done.
I have had a few significant realizations during quarantine. Things floating on top of mind is how essential routine and consistency is in my life when it comes to self-care and doing the things that keep me feeling good and sane. I also realize how good it feels to slow down in all aspects of life. I’ve been enjoying the time to do more of the things I love like—cooking, baking, creating, reading, being active, and learning. Or on some days, doing absolutely nothing at all.
I’m also so grateful to be surrounded by my family. I realize how important it is to have a community and our support systems looking out for us.
How am I, really? I'm doing okay. There are so many things in my life that I’m blessed to have and that I’m excited about. However, life is complex and my emotions are complex. I feel every emotion from the backdrop of everything else happening in the world. Despite aching to hug, hold and be with people I love the most, I’m filled with so much gratitude.
Divina, photographer and digital creator
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I’ve always been a person of introspection and reflection so I check in on myself almost everyday. I try to be in tune with my emotions so I can center myself when I need to. I try to listen to my feelings and acknowledge them most especially when I get overwhelmed by my musings.
Over the quarantine, I realized that we can still connect with others in a meaningful way. Even when we’re all far apart, dealing with both personal and social struggles—but only if we choose to. We may be restricted to have physical connection for now but because we are human, it is natural to connect with one another and it’s inevitable not to.
It may be odd or unusual to most, but I’ve been feeling good lately. Maybe it’s the energy that bounces back. If you put out good, you’ll get them back sometimes even better.
Gian, event planner
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One significant realization I’ve had this quarantine is checking on your priorities! The more I find out about what to prioritize each day, the more it makes me excited to wake up and keep me in the midst of these troubling times. It may be hard for others but knowing your why will push you for another day.
Chola, photographer
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I try to check in on myself regularly! The last time was a few days ago when I took a breathwork and meditation class. It was so helpful to unwind and just breathe. I’m stressed but grateful. Living back home with my parents now and still unemployed, but trying to take things slowly and just appreciate this unusual moment of pause.
Sarah, writer and photographer
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